Has your significant other ever angrily said to you, “You spend more time with your laptop that you do me”?
And then a nagging disagreement ensues…which often leads to an all-out fight.
I was skyping with an online entrepreneur friend who is helping me set up my WordPress blogs. He said, “Hey buddy, sorry I was away for a bit – just had a fight with the girlfriend who accused me of caring more about my laptop than her.”
She says, “You love your laptop more than me.” He thinks, “Man I’m sick of her nagging.”
I assured him I’d “been there,” and sympathized with how he felt.
My number one piece of free advice (and worth every penny) for entrepreneurs, (male OR female) is to involve your significant other in what you’re doing.
Not in the sense that you invite them to partake in the actual process, i.e. delegating tasks such as article writing, video production, etc (I tried that before. I don’t recommend it).
I recommend that you describe what it is you’re doing. Inform your partner on what you’re currently working on, what the benefits are and your goals. Do this during a dedicated time that you both commit to meeting. Like dinner.
Sometimes it may seem like a lot of up-front work, but trust me when I say its well worth it.
The Commitment to Communication Pays – Literally
Keeping reading to know about an example as to why I recommend this–
After my own struggles with this when I first got started with blogging, internet marketing and social media, I committed to superior communication to make it work.
Katie, my significant other, always knows what I’m up to. She understands my plans, goals, and how that will help me, and our family for the future. After getting into this habit, Katie is MUCH more likely to leave me alone and let me work. Now there are times when she even will go as far as to tell me to work longer.
Similarly, if I tell Katie what I am working on and take the time to describe these things to her, she feels valued, respected and included.
Here has been the most pleasant surprise as a result of this over the top commitment to communication. Katie is so “in the know” that I occasionally ask her advice. Guess what? I totally value her insight, and respect her opinion.
And this makes Katie feel REALLY good! The fact that she feels helpful means we can reach our goals faster.
As a result of committing to communication about my entrepreneurial pursuits, business matters and the idiosyncrasies of blogging, internet marketing and social media, she “caught the bug.”
She caught the bug and started her own business called Bring Birth Home, which empowers and educates women about choice to give birth at home. Using only Facebook, Twitter, her blog and a popular social networking site in her niche, she has monetized her message much faster than I ever did.
I get to listen to her now. I have the privilege of feeling really good when she asks for my advice. Our relationship has grown significantly as a result of this symbiotic “business” relationship.
Couples Need to Work Together. Teamwork Makes the Dream Work.
Creating a lucrative Family is our first order of business.
Creating a lucrative Family is our first order of business.
Here’s the point – if female partner feels frustrated that male partner (or vice versa) has a closer relationship with the laptop, it needs to be expressed, and it needs to be worked out.
There was a time when I dismissed these feelings of Katie’s and the domestic trouble was not worth it. Productivity was hampered and the amassing little victories had no “home” to celebrate.
What a difference a commitment to communication has meant.
Now I work as much or as little as I want to. Either way, it’s more aligned with the overall work/family balance that maintains a happy home, and makes living worthwhile in the first place. There is more understanding, better communication, and as a result, we’re all more efficient and effective.
Please leave your thoughts in the comments below. Tell about your own struggles, and what you have done to make it work. Or ask for advice. Katie can jump in here with her opinion too (female perspective).
You know Eric, this situation has been occurring with increasing frequency in my life, as I spend more and more time hitting the keys of my laptop.For some reason, I hadn’t given it much thought,and didn’t acknowledge the fact that there might be an issue, at least from my wife’s point of view.
I’m so glad and grateful that someone brought it up to my attention and probably, to hundreds of spouses around the world who, as a result of their entrepreneurial activity online, are somewhat distracted from their spousal duties.
Having said that, I will surely discuss my activities with my wife as you suggest, more than likely, over a nice candlelit dinner at her favorite restaurant, so as to quell any hard feelings that might have arisen…just in case.
Best Regards to you and your lovely family…
@Mauricio,
It’s a subtle thing that will sneak up on you without much warning. Before you know it, you have a domestic “situation” to handle.
On the other hand, it says great things about the growing obsession you have to succeed online.
Honestly, I think handling the “You love your laptop more than me” situation is a necessary evil, a bridge that must be crossed. If you cross it successfully, your home life will be that much better, and you’ll have that LESS of a difficult time navigating the waters of a successful home internet business.
Thanks for your comment Mauricio.
Eric
Hi Eric, Great article about a touchy subject. My wife calls me “computer husband” sometimes as a joke. But, thankfully, she understands WHY I’m doing what I’m doing even if she doesn’t WHAT I’m doing.
As long as an occasional check shows up in the mailbox, she’ll probably continue to understand:)
Best wishes,
Kevin
@Kevin,
Yes, the occasional check in the mail makes all the difference. Make it routine and she’ll be encouraging you to be on the computer even more so.
Laughter is always a tonic for happiness.
Thanks Kevin,
Eric
Eric,
What a great article, full of understanding, wisdom and compassion! You will reap tremendous dividends with an attitude like this. Blessings to you and Katie. Sharon
@Sharon,
If anyone understands this as deeply as it really is… it’s you Sharon. When I listened to you and Jerry speak at the Renegade Professional Live Event and you showed the picture of you and Jerry 30 years ago… instantly, a tear came to my eye. I turned to Mike Klingler and I said, “They love each other.” And now you two have a thriving business that grows and grows. You two are great models. Thank you for your comment.
Eric
Hi Eric and Katie,
This is synergy at it’s best!
If one of your main goals is to become free for your family,it is definately much better when they support you.
I’m away from home a lot which is a great reason to study and implement Attraction Marketing and all it’s interseting avenues.
)when my time at home is limited at the moment but I choose my main times when the television is on,so I can work away undisturbed!
It is a bit more difficult (but possible
I’m looking forward to your journey and learning along the way so my away time,which my boss so gracefully provides,will be offered to someone else when I become too well to take any further part in this maddness!
I appreciate your consideration,caring and great value,
Have a fantabulous day,
Jan
@Jan,
Thank you for your thoughts.
You seem to have a solid head on your shoulders, Jan. I think your approach and mindset is great.
Yes, there seems to be a bit of madness with employment, but I guess the same good be said of self employment
Who knows, but I know two things:
1. Mystics do the backstroke in waters that have made regular men completely and utterly insane.
2. Family is the best gift a man could ask for. If a woman loves you, and you love her back, there is nothing more sacred. Protect it, cherish it and guard it zealously because love can keep shifting in both directions. It’s a living breathing thing.
Best to you,
Eric
Hi Eric,
This is a great article! I know my husband gets tired of my being on the computer and so I have cut it out as much as possible when he is home. I fit what I can in while he is at work and between my clients. I has made my moving forward slow WAY down, but my relationship is too important to have things any other way. (I’m writing this during my lunch break)
As much as I love being on the Internet working toward a goal, I have had to push the goal out a bit and make sure my marriage is getting all the attention it needs.
Unfortunately, my husband is computer illiterate, so when I try to explain what I am doing, it is frustrating for me to explain and frustrating for him to understand. Therefore, I don’t. It
s better for me to just do what I can when he is at work. So, it might take longer. Oh, well, I’ll just go at it like a turtle, slow and steady.
Thanks for all the tips and best to you and your family.
Michelle
What a great article Eric.
My husband and I are actually going to start working on a project together. He’s really passionate about all things guitar and I’m going to help him find a niche within that and then create a marketing plan to attract that niche to him. Very cool!
thanks and warm wishes,
Cindy
[...] What To Do When She Says, You Love Your Laptop More than Me [...]
[...] And really, the deeper issue here is balance. Same issue crept with balance when Katie said to me early in my internet business pursuits, “You Love Your Laptop More than Me.” [...]
Eric, you are absolutely right.
As passionate as we entrepreneurs are about our online businesses, it is easy to become obsessed and totally absorbed to the exclusion of everyone and everything around us.
I have been accused of being obsessed and I had to take note. As a result I work to getting a bit more balance and involving my husband in what I am doing. I show him what I have written or created and ask for his input and opinion. It has been helpful because he now feels part of it and I also feel better in that I get his input as well.
A team always feels better and more supportive than doing it on our own.
Eric,
It is so true. My husband and I have had this conversation several times.
I try to help Garland be involved, but, he is so not interested in the topic, process….only the anticipated end result.
My husband does a fabulous job of giving me time freedom to be at the computer. He is concerned about balance and at the end of the day, was my time used well.
So, I have much to be grateful for with his eternal belief in me. It is a gift to treasure, love and respect him for deeply.
I still work for the day, when I can show him wonderful tangible results for the gifts of time he gives to me. Not only that, to translate that regularly into other homes and families also.
Eric,
Great thoughts on the human side of all this. The difference between a significant other as a competitor or collaborator is often just lots of communication and communication, of course means speaking and listening. My wife Lois and I are now working together, but even when we weren’t, deliberately sharing about the journey was vital to deepening our relationship.
I actually said, in so many words something similar to my husband who has been on the web for years. He brought his lap top with him when we were on a romantic get away, needless to say I was not impressed.
I learned to let it go because it gives him so much joy. I have been building organizations off line now for over 25 years in MLM, only in the last year and half have I jumped into internet and social media marketing. My passion is social media for networking however I love blogging and creating videos. It is such a creative outlet and so much fun. I also joined The Unified Tribe which is Rocking my world.
Faith
Awesome Eric!
I’ve got a KD myself and she’s a fiesty one. I find that anytime the feminine gets upset it’s a cry out for love. Women really want to feel loved and claimed by their man. If I can tell she’s frustrated she usually needs to spend time in my presence. When we (men) are hacking away at the “plan” we can often get stuck in our heads (especially in our modern world). A good heart felt hug and some passionate love making is always the cure for me. Communication is absolutely key and great blog post about real things “power couples” go through. Thank you!
Eric,
The title of this post brought up some real issues that come up with a spouse. After being through that I appreciate your post on effective communication. It really does help defuse the situation. I would also recommend making specific time just to devote to your relationship. It is so important to make the time with them and you will be happier and more productive in the mean time!
Great Post!
Mary Thayer
Hi Eric,
I love what Deb said about how easy it is to become obsessed and how we need to seek balance in our lives.
As a stay-at-home mom of 4, my time is extremely limited. I have to make an effort each and every day to make sure my family is first. If my priorities get out of order, everything just seems to fall apart.
You are absolutely right when you say that commitment to communication is key. Thanks for this thought-provoking article!
Nicole
Love it Eric! Very cute
So happy to have you in the tribe!
[...] What to Do When Your She Says, “You Love Your Laptop More than Me.” [...]
Hi Eric,
What a great post. My husband don’t really want to understand what I do, but he is very supportive of my work. Only thing he does along side with me is reading and listening to personal development.
One thing I do though is spend time with him 100% for about an hour or two when he gets home. We go for a walk or run, listen to music, clean the garden… what ever.
Thanks for sharing.
Damayanthi